i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
