My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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