Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
