I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
