4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
