I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
