PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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