Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
