I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
