we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
