Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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