He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
