FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
