8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
