i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
