You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
