youre lurking in front of me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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