you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
