So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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