he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
