Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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