if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
