my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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