please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
