You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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