my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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