Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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