My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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