Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
