Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
