i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
