Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
