So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
