What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
