You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
