I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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