for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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