Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
