no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
