If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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