One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
