I'm going to jail i love you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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