how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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