So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
