Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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