Jerry, you need to find god
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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