So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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