Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
