I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
