Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
