I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
