walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
