My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You did what with his pubic hair?
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