I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drunk is not a location!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
