Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
